The Garab Chronicles

That Thing I'm Planning To Deny Later

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that on the evening of Wednesday, November 26th of the year 2008, I paid full price plus parking to see the latest Jason Statham action orgy, "Transporter 3". I will not take up valuable cyberspace proclaiming to the world that said action orgy was written and directed by blind flying monkeys with Downs, or that I think that the lead actress might well have been one of those blind flying monkeys herself, who'd accidentally wandered in front of the camera every time the other monkeys yelled "action".

I will not advise the general public to avoid the radioactive zone around any and all multiplexes showcasing "TP 3", though I will implore the makers of Charmin to commemorate a special edition roll  for the release of this and all future Jason Statham extravaganzas.

I will not call for the public flogging of Lion's Gate executives responsible for the "Transporter" franchise, nor will I demand compulsory psychiatric screening of the focus groups that make movies like this possible.

I will not fantasize about Jason Statham's perfect rock hard 8 pack.

I will not do any of these things because doing so would mean that, god help me, I'd have to admit to myself and all of creation that I did in fact go out and see "Tansporter 3".

But if I did, I'd give this movie a rating of CETLW (Cut Em - your wrists - The Long Way).     

Baby's First Movie...

My mother's gonna be so happy that it isn't porn.

Dip, Dive, Celebrate, Repeat

I almost forgot - but then this came along and made it all better - Love me some Dipdive.

Look Mommy, Street Parties!

I've never been the street protesting kind. You have to get up early, find a decent place to get a latte that isn't Starbucks, and then you have to find parking and deal with all those angry people waving their signs and demanding their god given rights.

However, having seen the footage from a recent rally in Utah against the putrid evil that is Prop 8, I've decided to mend my ways. Lattes be damned, I've got enough righteous indignation to get my ass up and keep it going in ways no over-priced mug of caffeinated goodness ever could.

Besides, if these videos are any indication, the guys at these protests are fucking hot, and let's face it, I'm always up for a hot date. That said, tune in to JD Disalvatore's Blog for up to the minute information about all things fabulous and anti-Prop 8.

More videos by the Garab and others soon.

My sincere hope is that we can get this foul, ill birthed thing overturned before too long and get back to important things like dishing about porn and bad celebrity hair styles. Until then, I'm off to the barricades.

Note To Self:

Don't try to eliminate people's civil rights. It goes badly, and it holds up traffic.

Video is by The Smoking Cocktail.

The Dream, The Reality, The In Between

Prop 8 passed.

All those crazy, whack job religious fanatics who packed into a stadium to fast and pray that a ballot measure to take away the civil rights of their fellow citizens would pass? They won...

And they celebrated.

On a night when tens of millions witnessed the most historic election in our nation's history, I cheered with a heavy heart, as did millions of others who realized that we'd leaped so far and came up just a little short. But we still celebrated.

And we'll keep on celebrating, despite the knowledge that over 5 million of our neighbors and families chose to raise their voices and tell us that they are still scared of us, that they do not understand us...

That they do not think we are their equals.

4,869,999 of us told them no.

Four Million, Eight Hundred Sixty Nine Thousand, Nine Hundred and Ninety Nine of us told them they were wrong.

4,869,999 voices that dared not speak only a few short years ago did the unthinkable and screamed right back.

On January 20th, I will join hundreds of thousands of other Americans in our nation's capitol. I will be watching something I never thought possible in my lifetime. I will be celebrating the realization of a dream shared by many hundreds of millions that have hoped and toiled over the course of centuries, and I will cheer that much louder that I get to see it happen.

Above all else, I will raise my voice along with the 4,869,998 other voices that voted for equality and fairness, and the tens of millions of other voices across this country and around the world who see a better future and a bright light at the end of a terrible darkness.

We will say to those who have inflicted injustice that their time is over...

And to everyone who has ever struggled, and continues to struggle against it:

Welcome to the new world.

Landsliding Into History

Step 1: get up at the crack of ass -

Step 2: stand in line, cast ballot, apply sticker.

Step 2a) send text messages.

Step 3: watch over 110,000,000 of your fellow citizens perform steps 1 and 2.

Step 4: gape at television set as you realize that 61,000,000 of said fellow citizens voted for the same guy you did.

Step 5: weep with joy, send text messages.

Step 6: check on status of hateful  statewide proposition  attempting to legislate you into second class citizenship.

Step 6a:  groan, curse under breath, send text messages.

Step 7: Go back to tv screen, pinch self, weep with joy.

Step 7a: pinch others, weep with joy.

Step 8: Text, check on hateful proposition, text, listen to speech by most inspiring President-elect in nation's history.

Step 9: Dance naked in street, film event for posterity.

Step 10: check on proposition, curse, text, pinch self again.

Step 11: Make plans to attend Inauguration of most inspiring President-elect in nation's history.

Step 12: Sing: "Obama, Obama...

                      Obama, Obama..."

Apparently Excited

My brother and I were talking about tomorrow's election, and he asked me why I was so enthusiastic about standing in line first thing in the morning - or closer to lunch time if you're on the East Coast- to vote. I talked, and then I rambled, and then he told me to come up for air.

And then, I went and I found this...


GO VOTE! And if you live in California - NO ON PROP 8!!!!

We Can, We Will, We're So, So Close-

This time tomorrow, there'll be dancing in the streets - but only if you get out there and VOTE!

Do. It!