That Thing I'm Planning To Deny Later

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that on the evening of Wednesday, November 26th of the year 2008, I paid full price plus parking to see the latest Jason Statham action orgy, "Transporter 3". I will not take up valuable cyberspace proclaiming to the world that said action orgy was written and directed by blind flying monkeys with Downs, or that I think that the lead actress might well have been one of those blind flying monkeys herself, who'd accidentally wandered in front of the camera every time the other monkeys yelled "action".

I will not advise the general public to avoid the radioactive zone around any and all multiplexes showcasing "TP 3", though I will implore the makers of Charmin to commemorate a special edition roll  for the release of this and all future Jason Statham extravaganzas.

I will not call for the public flogging of Lion's Gate executives responsible for the "Transporter" franchise, nor will I demand compulsory psychiatric screening of the focus groups that make movies like this possible.

I will not fantasize about Jason Statham's perfect rock hard 8 pack.

I will not do any of these things because doing so would mean that, god help me, I'd have to admit to myself and all of creation that I did in fact go out and see "Tansporter 3".

But if I did, I'd give this movie a rating of CETLW (Cut Em - your wrists - The Long Way).     

Comments

[Anne]

Not since Darren dragged me to see Spice World have I felt your pain as keenly.

[Frank]

Pumpkin, if Lionsgate didn't make tons of money off worthless franchises like this, they couldn't afford to do things like "Mad Men," which is the veritable second coming of quality television.

But does your appreciation of the holy 6-pack mean that you've finally graduate from fawns? How dost thou feel about beer kegs?