Bling Bling Went the Pocket

I have cell phone envy. "Have you driven a Ford lately?" is about to regain punch line status, sane people  everywhere are still trying to wrap their heads around the insanity that was Mumbai last week, and Britney Spears has unleashed yet another salvo against a society striving to regain some modicum of taste. And I, when not downloading and dancing naked to every remix of "Womanizer" available in the mega disco that is my bedroom, lust for ye, iPhone.

Sweet, sweet iPhone, with your limber rotating screen and elegant user-friendly touch screen, you tempt me to distraction. I long to sheath your sleek, black body in the plastic womb that will distinctly designate you as my very own. You will be my iPod, my Blue-Tooth enabled link to civilization, my solace and my status symbol.

I too will get to share the frivolous YouTube brilliance emanating from your crystal clear display...at work. When I pull you out of my back pocket at the movies, the people shall marvel at my discriminating purchasing power play in an uncertain economic universe. The peasants shall gape in awe at your arrival in their midst, the swift flick of the wrist that takes you from rectangular jeans pocket bulge to in hand technological wonder at the speed of $150.00 a month. And oh, to own the wrist that does thy flicking.

I curse your newfound rivals, Blackberry Storm and G-phone, hackneyed hacks to your design whore satisfying 3-G magnificence. Glitch free art thou, second generation and tried by fire at the threat of full-refund returns and stock value ruin. I spit upon the Palm, and gnash my teeth at any and all slide panel technology. You, iPhone, mine but for thy sticker shock inducing price-tag, share a love that will not be compartmentalized.

I dream of thee, my beloved. I wait for thee, and trust that the chosen moment of your well-timed arrival will relieve me of Sanyo flip-phone, non-camera inclusive depravity. And then, I too shall be deemed "hipster", inducted into the magical tribe of Facebook-update-by-iPhone exclusivity.

Sing, Britney. Sing, that the gadget gods in a strobe-lit heaven will hear my lament, and my prayer. But for now, I weep...I weep in the solace of the desperate longing of my tech geek heart.

Comments

[Catie]

I am suddenly VERY worried about you.

Either that or I am going to give my boyfriend to you and you may tech speak and drool to each other to your little hearts content.

[stacy]

I'm on my third iPhone...third. I can't stop buying the damn thing. 1st one broke, 2nd one stolen, I'm waiting to see what happens with this one, but lord knows when it's gone...I'm buy another freakin one.