Double ditto to the entire inquisitorial staff of presenters who looked like they were sentencing the nominees in the audience to death by firing squad.
That's all.
On a happier note, here's the one and only shining moment from last night's if-only-someone-had-hit-me-with-a-cattle-prod-first-I-may-actually-be-enjoying-this-entertainment, and the one that will make me smile all day (aside from the Sean Penn speech):
"Wow, a trailer for the new Transformers movie. I thought the fan boys strung Michael Bay up by the balls and sodomized him with an Optimus Prime action figure after the last one."
"I sure do hope this movie isn't going to be very long, cause I have to pee again soon."
"Holy shit, another ghost movie that looks alot likeHeart and Souls. Do you think they'll make Michael Douglas stand up in a loin cloth in his next movie and tell everyone that he's Spartacus?"
"How the hell can a bar manager afford this apartment?"
"Remind me never to move to Baltimore to score a husband."
"This yoga studio is HUGE...and it comes with a swimming pool for public acts of adultery and skinny dipping with Bradley Cooper. Sweet."
"None of these people have iPhones. Apparently At&t's coverage sucks ass here too."
"Why aren't these two women in the rest of the movie?"
"Drew Barrymore really should have stopped afterBoys On The Side."
"Great Bathroom."
"Ben Affleck really SHOULD - Should - should - S.H.O.U.L.D. - SHOULD - marry Jennifer Aniston's character."
"I wonder if I can still get a copy of the first season of Alias on Amazon."
"Man I have to pee."
"Who ever has the time to put fresh dill in the dip at a Wii party?"
"I wonder how that stimulus package is affecting my stock portfolio."
"I think Cisco Systems is a pretty smart buy today...which fucking pocket did I stow my Ameritrade password in this time?"
"I'm hungry. A Justin Long/ Ben Affleck sandwich sounds nice. Ooh, and Bradley Cooper pudding for dessert. Mmmm, Bradley Cooper...if he's related to Anderson Cooper, I can pretend they're twins and never leave my bedroom."
"Those are not real tits."
"I think that's the director's girlfriend."
"Fuck, I put that Ameritrade password in the dark jeans, and those got tossed after the one night stand with the water sports. Stupid water sports."
"Thinking about water sports really makes me want to pee."
"Oh cool, it's about to end."
"Wait, why is Scarlett Johansson wearing that wig?"
"Somebody thought this was a good idea."
"Anderson Cooper would never cheat on me if he were into me."
"It's still going."
"I'm Spartacus!"
"It's ending now. That was the last scene."
"Still going."
"This is never going to end."
"Dude, no, not the lucky pants! What if you put your Ameritrade password in one of the utility pockets?"
"Myspace blows, I'm canceling my account tomorrow...oh wait, I did that 18 months ago. Whew."
"Wait a second. I canceled my Myspace account and I'm still single. This is bullshit!"
Art of Tea Best cup of tea you'll ever have, made by fantastic people. Available to buy and ship online.
Susina Bakery Best bakery in Los Angeles. Berry Blossom cake, banana creme pies, and hand made Italian cookies to die for. Owned and operated by one of the loveliest people I know. And she'll do your wedding too.
Buddha's Belly If you're ever in LA, this is a wonderful Asian Fusion restaurant. If you're lucky, I might even wait on ya'.
Karuna Yoga My favorite yoga studio in the city is in Los Feliz, and I'll drive 10 miles out of the way to get there. Kelly Wood has created an inviting space with some of the best teachers in LA. All levels welcome and encouraged.
Inman Perk Coffee Great little coffee house in Atlanta, GA. Beautiful space, great drinks, and free internet wireless. Tip the staff well, they're among the friendliest you'll find.
Outwrite Books Wonderful gay and lesbian bookstore/coffee shop in the heart of Midtown in Atlanta. All the eye candy you need, endless selection of fiction, magazines, music and movies. Great staff, and a bounty of naughty "coffee table books". And Piedmont Park is literally around the corner.
Alon's Bakery Best croissants in Atlanta...hell, pretty much the best everything in Atlanta, if we're talking about baked goods. The new Ashford-Dunwoody location also has home-made gelato and an in-house chocolatier. Still, though, the original Va. Highlands store is where I loke to put my feet up...until they tell me to put 'em down.
Studio DNA Best haircut in town (and by town, I mean Los Angeles).
The State of Iowa Beautiful Midwestern state that recently became the 3rd in the Nation to legalize gay marriage. Start planning a vacation there and give 'em your money!
The State of Vermont 4th in the Nation to recognize gay marriage. Plan a vacation there, give 'em your money!
The State of Massachusetts Recognizes gay marriage, and it's pretty. Plan a vacation there, give 'em your money. Shakespeare and Company is in Lenox, so swing on by while you're there.
The State of Connecticut Recognizes gay marriage, and was among the very first in the Nation to do it. Plan multiple vacations there, and give them lots of your tourism bucks.
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