The Garab Chronicles

Ho x 3

Merry Christmas, everybody.

It's been an amazing year, full of challenges that have restored my faith in, if nothing else, the knowledge that whatever's out there, and whatever you want to call it, it has a wicked sense of humor and a profound sense of irony.

At every turn, I have been reminded that all the horrors we've collectively witnessed over the last twelve months are tempered with little glimpses of pure beauty, and moments of jaw-dropping inspiration that this little Garab is eternally grateful for.

Exhibits A:

And B:

And most of all, I m grateful to all of you for reading.

Happy Holidays.

Coming Up, New Jersey

Corzine's defeat in New Jersey does complicate things a bit, especially since incoming Republican Governor Chris Christie has reportedly vowed to veto any legislation that legalizes gay marriage in the Garden State.

That said, Corzine does have until January to make something happen. It's a stretch, but there are a lot of people who could use the help, sooner than later.

Still Reeling

Maine remains a bitter pill to swallow, though there's THIS, via Andrew Sullivan, which offers some perspective, and THIS, about the backlash against the Catholic Church by many of its own members who were aghast at its heavy political involvement on behalf of the Yes On 1 campaign.

In related news, NOM's "celebrity" mouth piece has just been forced to drop her $1 million lawsuit against the Miss America Pageant after her sex tape hit the web.

Who knew? TMZ is good for something, after all.

Clear and Present Bigotry

I'll say it again: Anyone who claims that DOMA or Don't Ask Don't Tell have nothing to do with bigotry and outright hatred hasn't had to watch his civil rights put up for a vote, over and over, and over again. And let's be very clear about this, marriage is a civil. fucking. right.

The next time you find yourself at your local Walmart, Ralph's, Kroger, Crate and Barrel, Target, or Best Buy, take about thirty seconds and count the number of straight couples wandering the aisles. If you find yourself, as I often do, wondering what the hell any of them see in each other, or how disfunctional, violent, and sad their breeder lives might be based on the dead expressions on their faces as they go about their mundane shopping, remember three things:

a) it's none of your fucking business.

b) the look on that pre-homicidal woman's face about to take the Martha Stewart frying pan off the rack to weaponize it across the back of her boyfriend's head probably has more to do with a caffeine deficiency than anything you saw on Lifetime this week.

c) every single one of these heterosexual couples, regardless of state of mind, employment status, criminal record, or mental health is allowed to get married if they choose to.

I, like most gay people in most of the country, can't.

Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Iowa, Connecticut, and California are the only exceptions. Come November, I hope I don't have to strike Maine out of that sentence too.

Bea Arthur Died Today -

She was 86, and she was the very embodiment of fierce (yes, I brought that word back, just for her).

Remember her, kids. She was one of the very best.

My Own Little Torture Memo

I'm about to have a field day with this torture bullshit, but I think that rather than vomit all over creation with an expletive laden manifesto right now, I'll hold off til I'm breathing normally.

For the time being, suffice it to say that since they keep insisting that it works so well for extracting valuable information that you couldn't get any other way, I'd like to see Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and "Dr." Condi Rice lined up in stress positions and water-boarded til they give up the location of Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny. And then I'd like them all to go to jail, which is where they belong in the first place.

Jesus Christ, I thought Abu Ghraib was bad. But this...

It's Monday, Do You Know Where Your Musical Theatre Is?

I couldn't help myself. I heard Julie Andrews' voice and that was it.

I'm Confused...

Rick Warren went on CNN's Larry King Live recently and said this:

But right before the 2008 election, he sent out a video to the 22,000 members of his church saying this:

While I'm all for any and everything that "stuns and bewilder(s)" Evangelical leaders, as described in today's Washington Times article, and I'm more than willing to accept that the man may very well have had a genuine change of heart after realizing just how much damage Proposition 8 actually does to his fellow human beings, I'm a little bewildered myself at Mr. Warren's emphatic statement that he never lobbied for passage of the hated California ballot initiative and he's never been anti-gay marriage.

Dear Hugh Jackman,

Please, don't EVER do that again.

Ditto, Queen Latifah.

Double ditto to the entire inquisitorial staff of presenters who looked like they were sentencing the nominees in the audience to death by firing squad.

That's all.

On a happier note, here's the one and only shining moment from last night's if-only-someone-had-hit-me-with-a-cattle-prod-first-I-may-actually-be-enjoying-this-entertainment, and the one that will make me smile all day (aside from the Sean Penn speech):

Garab Chronicles Contest: January 2009!

THE RULES (BEFORE YOU HIT PLAY!!)

What you'll need: a)pen and paper, or some sort of word processing program open when you start the video below. b) a stop watch

2) Jot down your name, the time, and the date before you hit play.

3) Hit play.

4) Hit pause the moment you realize what you're watching.

5) Do the math. How long did it take you to come to above realization?

6) Write down your answer in bold, black ink and take a picture.

7) Email your answer, or send it to the comments section below. The Garab Chronicles will post all results, and the winner will get a free Apple* product just like the one featured in the video(I'm dead serious!)**

Ready? Go!

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

*=Apple, its employees, agents, and representatives have and want nothing to do with this charade, and explicitly deny any affiliation with this contest or anything that smells like it.

**=no, I'm not.